Lover's Can-DOs Never-DOs: Part 1

1. Should you spy on your ex - and his next?

 

yes no maybe

 

 

You're concealed at a dimly lit restaurant table where, if you peer between the leaves of the decorative fern, you get a perfect view of your ex - with her. You wonder, does anyone else hear the theme to Fatal Attraction? Watching your ex with someone else can be like rubbing salt into the wound. On the other hand, it may be the final push you need to let him go. But stick to somehow-not-to-be-a-stalker rules: Only show up at crowded places, so it's not you, him, and the bimbo; don't peep into private homes; and don't confront him. Proving to yourself it's over is one thing - a police record is another.

 

2. Should you have sex on the first date?

 

yes no maybe

 

There's no blanket policy for bedding a guy on the first date. Some people have sex, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Others feel embarrassed and horrified the next day. Before sleeping with a virtual stranger, you have to consider safety and disease - then decide whether the romp is worth the risk. For some, not having a past with a man can lead to a night of anonymous athletic bliss. But others who get too intimate too soon are left feeling vulnerable and regretful. So know what you're getting into and make sure you're in control, not just following his lead. You may expect a relationship to develop, while all he wants is a one-night stand. Getting to know him after you have sex can be very awkward. The pressure of trying to make your personal involvement catch up with your sexual involvement can cut a relationship short. Consider how you'll feel once you've slept with him. Then choose.

 

3. Should you have a third party go up to a guy, hand him your number, point you out, and say, "She likes you"?

yes no maybe

 

It works. So go for it.

 

4. Should you decide he's It before you really know him?

 

yes no maybe

 

The man you met last week is so sensitive and he is cute. But before you fall in love checkout your expectations. You may want so much to like the guy that the little things you have in common take on enormous significance. The romantic phase in the beginning of a relationship is illusionary. Heed the clues that tell you what he's like outside of the boyfriend role. Notice how he behaves with others.

 

5. Should you lie to impress a new guy?

 

yes no maybe

 

To you, rustic means having to visit a village. But you told that hunky jock you loved rock climbing, and now you have a date to meet at 5 A.M. at the bottom of Mount Steep-and-Ragged-Drop. Sure, lying may get you a date. But sooner or later he'll catch you. Next time you lie, consider what's entailed in its upkeep. If a fib does slip out, there is a way to recover. Tell him he impressed you so much that you wanted to impress him - so you bent the truth a little. He'll take it as flattery.

 

 

6. Should you give him an ultimatum?

 

yes no maybe

 

He's made a stronger commitment to his college sweatshirt than to you. Go ahead and challenge his laissez-faire attitude. Men have all the time in the world. They have no biological clock and they all live by the same motto: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. An ultimatum may just be the push he needs to make his move - and the push you need to reaffirm your limit on waiting.